i remember very well the time when i was in nagoya two and a half years ago, i stayed in a pretty neat apartment with a nice toilet, bathroom, and a tiny kitchen along the corridor and a small room with a tiny balcony. i sleep facing this picture.. and every night, i would have to finish uploading everyone's picture and make sure the next day, i have enough memory space and battery for photos. so, all in all, i'm the most stressed out person at the end of the day. i remember one night, jiamin and zaza had to drag me out of my blanket which i was lying on and cover me with it. i didn't even shower out of exhaustion and they told me not to either. well, thats the nature of the job, to take 2 heavy role as a photographer and video man at the same time. you know, it was really fun though, at the same time, i suffered from a horrible nervous breakdown at the last night of the trip.

so, what i learn from that trip is, i should stop taking everything into my own hands and blame myself for everything. at least, i should.. try to take off some work load off me.. and not be too harsh on myself all the time. although, apparently, i'm a bummer and slacker now, no one will believe how serious can i get. oh wells, doesn't really matter!!

last sunday, yukiko left japan for exchange studies in australia and at the same time, zhiming leaves singapore for australia to continue furthering his studies. so, early in the morning, i met zhuyang for a church service in covenant efc. the sermon wasn't exactly that sleepy because earlier on, at the lrt, i met with a stupid incident. its so stupid that i just want cuss at the lrt system. i don't get it!! we pay so much for the fair, can't they hire at least one or two more people to station at each station instead of waiting like no tomorrow when there's error in machines? i wonder where does all the money goes to man. not even a control station at the lrt and the machine sysyem sucks to the core. i was so furious that i don't even feel sorry for delaying time for church service. anyways, in the afternoon, we went to zhiming's place and had a game of dilbert. heheh, board game before he leaves, how uncanny! but it was a good game!! fun!! i didn't know i could be so thick skin and do embarrassing things. i guess, the older you are, the most thick skinned you get.

oh yeah, the sermon kinda hits on me badly. in a sense, i can one hundred percent relate myself to it because, at one point, it seems to be talking about me. after all these years, what i lack is perseverance and endurance. i tend to give up so easily and take the easy way out all the time. and i never persevere myself to the end. even for now, i couldn't make it through. though, its all talk to what the pastor said, i still think in some sense, my mind is much more broadened now. i realised what i need is not someone rebuke me, but for myself to face the fact i've been procrastinating about school stuffs. its stupid in a sense, but at least i know it. how silly i have been for these years...

i was watching some tv and i notice zheng shao zong is such a happy willed celebrity. he has only one abled ear yet he took stride in everything he do. i really look up to him a lot. i'm not those idol craze kinda girl but i do admire tv actors and actress or singers who holds a certain kind of attitude and talents. in this sense, shao zong is someone i really look up to cos he is also a photographer.

sometimes, life is like a pathway reaching to a door ultimately. whether its in the beginning stage or the middle process or the end, ultimately, a door will be shown. as tired as i am, i always look towards the door. because i know, at the other side of the door, there might be more paths or another door. doesn't matter if its locked or not, as long i can open it, all i need is what i want i to be.

today, mom's going for a small surgical procedure. its not something big but i never know... blessed are those who bless people.. i pray that my mom will be alright though..