Tuesday, August 15, 2006
i thought i had something on my mind so i decided to pen it all down here..
well, the truth is finally out.. about chris and jeff.. chris and i kinda heaped a sigh of relief over jeff emotionless reaction.. it was a good time.. i know i shouldn't hide the truth.. but its a promise i shouldn't break either.. either way.. i'm doomed.. you know... but since it kinda turn out this way, where both made peace.. it was a good feeling..
well, its been some time ever since i really went to school as a full time student.. lol.. i've been thru hell maybe.. i don't know.. but its funny seeing how some people really care about you while some people just doesn't.. either way, it doesn't matter much to me anymore.. well, at least for now.. there's some bitch in class that is really getting on my nerves... i mean, i'm no better calling her that.. but come on.. she doesn't even know me and yet she's mean and acts like a big somebody to me.. maybe my soft image in school really makes me a wimp.. lol... but i do get genuine friends.. people like mio, shilei, cara and anson.. i thank God for them..
somehow, on this stage of my growing up process, i'm starting to think.. maybe locking up myself in my room does changed me to be a softer and not so temperamental person, but i guess my longing to stay in japan changes me too.. i don't scoff at people as much as i used to. now, i enjoy every single peace mother nature gives.. even in places like singapore.. my room provided that substantial amount of peace.. in the meantime, the community club that lies opposite my apartment provided enormous amount of noise which now, makes me want to migrate over to japan more...
during my teenage year, i admit i'm an outgoing, active, gungho, crazy, worked up, temperamental, daring, adventurous and irritating person.. i like annoying people, even up till now.. but over the years, i realised the importance of keeping myself down and not getting addicted to depression.. i get depressed easily, over the sickness i have and stuffs.. at such a tender age, i sure do go through a substantial amount of problems.. though some of it may be fatal but mostly, looking back, it sure helps... i've grown weaker i guess....
changes is not bad.. as long my heart is genuine, as long i don't hurt my family, i hope.. but i guess, a relative amount of hurt does makes me want to move forward more... and face the big reality.. my heart is slowly breaking apart and my soul is tearing up... but the will to go on has firmly laid the foundations and the "coincidence" i meet throughout has taught me a lot.. thinking like a child again and slowly absorbing paradigms...
i'm out.
liten shan@
5:40 PM
