Wednesday, June 29, 2005
hmm...ironic eh... sometimes i just wonder, i'm in fact online 24/7 yet i hardly blog like i do anymore... why? seemingly no correct answers yet vaguely, its there...
sometimes when i don't get to see a norm in my day, i tend to get tensed up and then hide for the next ten days. one guy says i am autsitic and sometimes wierd.. in fact he says that i am strange and abnormal. i wonder how much does he know me.. then the other tells me that i am protective, egg headed and cautious... then i heard people tell me that i am too serious... all these are from guys... from girls?
funny!
am i? i don't know... i am a person who possesses values that contradicts my ownself and i can't deny the fact that i love it. its just me me me and me... oh well, i hear that all the time... do i need a reminder? oh yes!! to remind myself that i am not what i am but made to be who i am by Him who loves me as i am. someone told me that i should be just who i am and he likes it that way... i wonder, during this period of time, am i trying to change so hard that everyone tells me to stay the same.. or they want to me to change back to normal and not be so different? so... what is normal? aren't i a normal person standing in front of them always? people always contradicts themselves... well... that's not a surprise.
been thinking about school lately.. i haven't even step into it and i'm like having nightmares about me getting late to school.. getting lost with directions... not being able to clique with anyone.. being a loner and stuffs.. oh~ that reminds me... ain't that a design school of wierdos? so i am perfectly normal if i try not to fit in.. so, why bother...
so... where is God calling me to? i really don't know... i was just looking at the videos and i was listening to the song vincent sang, 'accepted' and i listen hard to the lyrics... it was just what i needed to hear.. accepted even if i am not anything... He'll be there.. so why am i afraid? i don't know... then i flip thru the folder and found wasshy's clip... kinda hit me hard and smack me right on my face... wake up!! don't forget what's your agenda and motive of going back to japan!! and coming back, what was my motive again? then i remembered... and that's why i blogged.. i love japan~ not because its pretty and the people are nice... its because God planted a seed in my heart and a burden so heavy that i must give it to Him. so, i decided... some things need to be done.. some things needs to be cleared.. i need to do something!! i love myself.. i love Jesus more... i love my friends... and i love my family... so, what is the most difficult things to do?
wait.
liten shan@
6:13 AM
