Thursday, January 27, 2005
kenyu's webpage...
i was just browsing through friendster when i saw his profile. clicked on him since he was in my friend's list. curious, i check out his webpage and surprisingly, this guy which i used to detest so much when i was in secondary school turns out to be pretty insightful and real. didn't really liked him... he looks pretty and owns a fair complexion. he is half japanese and half malaysian chinese.. stays in singapore all the time... the only things we had in common is our passport, secondary school, haokee and band. haokee's my
'gor'... and ken's gay partner... anyway, till now, chua kenyu is still crap to me... but then, he is really insightful... can't believe a shallow guy like has so many things in common.. disgusted! but then again, i'm reminded on how much i love films and my desire and passion to pursue it... thru him... shit... this is bad... aargh.. i really hated him and i still don't like him... *shivers*
anyway, the point is, now... i am in a position where i am a lousy student with no value at all.. now, i have to really think what i really want for myself and how God wants me to be... enough of all those word games.. don't work on me.. that's why mister leng always loses cos that doesn't get on me at all... i hate people who manipulates with words. that includes him if he ever does that... aargh!! anyway, i just want to know where will i be, at least for the next 3 years... or maybe 5 years... that's pretty fair enough cos i am not that old and stubborn. its just that i am disllusioned with everything now... gotta keep myself intact though. i just want to be sure... but now, delirious... sigh...
online games... it has done quite a wonder... though everyone keeps complaining about my sleeping time and my gaming activities but really, what do i do other than that? now now... i've got so many problems up on my sleeves, how could i even get a job... i loathe people rushing me to find a job... cos it doesn't work on me at all... if i want to look one, i will. if i don't, i'll never do... yucks!! no wonder we are not given the talent to undersand man... cos life will be so boring...
well, i've thought through it... let's say... this year, if i apply for film, and if i get it, i'll not go to nagoya then. if i don't get it yet i get to another poly doing either multimedia or visual communication, i'll not go to nagoya. if i don't get to poly doing those that i listed above, then i'll apply for nafa and go to nagoya. i am not putting God's work secondary though... because, i really want to look towards the long run... i sent a letter to jiamin... if i'm inspired throughout, i would want to go doulos too... and if i follow's God's call to long term, i might do missions in japan after 3 years of education and maybe wait for the term he wants me to serve there... i sound like jail do i? it doesn't mean that way at all... but then, after three years, i've gotta work in singapore for three years... which means.. if i manage to ask the ministry people whether i can work in japan under the pretext of a singapore company... that means its God's will for me to go... if its not, then i'll have to wait for another three years on top of the three years in school which amount to 6 years later... which is a long wait but then... its up to Him to decide... i felt that God is preparing me now.. so, i must
'jiayou'... sigh.. this are just my up to date plans... really don't know what to do... scared it might not be the way it is.. i don't know man... just not sure... 'uncertain' is the word.
liten shan@
7:54 AM
