Monday, October 18, 2004
its today!
sian.. today's the practical and i am so not prepared! i am just afraid that i might cause some major explosion and and endangering people's pretty face.
whatever... anyway, went to church yesterday and it was so urrgh! probably i am still tired and stressed out... but i didn't see him... anyway, i voted and of course, God burdened me with the answer way before yesterday. chrissy dear came and it was nice to have her along. but anyways, i kinda realised that i don't fit into the girly clique... just can't! i am so not girly enough... oneechan dislike girly people and now, i understand why... i just don't fit in! i am too different from them. both born in the different world. although i am deemed as almost a singaporean, buti know that deep inside me, a crying voice is telling me that i am a true blue malaysian. nothing can change that. the way i think, the lifestyle i have, the way i live... its totally so unlike of a singaporean... at least, i know, i am still who i am 13 years ago... i won't change that for the fact that i'm going to answer His calling.
i am so not fitting in church girl gangs. yuckity~
then i thought of moving on. i made that decision when i was in nagoya. jan says she is moving on with a great deal. somehow, she sees me as moving on because she was doing so, but i have long thought of the decision even about a year ago. the decision became a done deal when i see how fast and how intimate the japanese share their relationship with God by moving on. so, i just have to. i am still stuck in square one where not much changes have yet to be made. that's why i decided on the saturday services.
okay... i felt so much better letting out. yesterday, i had a great time spent with tabby and crapped with jules again. it has been a long time. then we met up with dan lim, eric and jiehuai up at the lan room. they played generals which then sparked my interest to play lan with them. i played generals before... so, i shouldn't be too green in it. it was funny to see them play and complain. then i looked at jiehuai, moving on doesn't mean that i can't stick around with my youthie friends. its just that i have to be flexible in thinking. i have to really removed that layer of pride in me in order to move on. well, kinda understand the whole deal. i'll probably talk to jabez about it and see what he has to say.
Lord, please heal yuko's mommy and remove the cancer cells in her. i pray that the operation today will be successful! please sustain her family and be there for here. may Your Holy Spirit be a great comfort to her! Lord, i pray that You'll put words into miyuki's mouth and let her speak as the Holy Spirit speaks. Father in Heaven! please break all spiritual bondage that will try to tie her down during the funeral. In Jesus' Name, AMEN!
Lord, also remove the fear i have for today's exam. whether the outcome is good or bad, Lord, take control of it. please lead me throughout the practical and i pray that the Holy Spirit will lead me on how to do everything. In Jesus' Name, AMEN!!
liten shan@
6:27 AM
