Tuesday, February 24, 2004
just a thought!
well... all of a sudden... kinda miss malaysia... 7 years from now... i will make my way back to malaysia... although i have been here for more than half of my life... but i still miss the life back there... i really want to go back... really...
jiehuai messaged me earlier on and told me my nick in msn is not glorifying... "foul mood... don't message unless you want to get the hell out of me..." from the conversation we have... i kinda realize something... he can not be my laoda... i know its not glorifying... i know its a stumble... but that is what he knows... but does he knows that my msn contacts have only 2 non christian... and the people don't bother... and also... the rest are my close cousins... and the others are strong christians? so i told him that... he says i will give the wrong impressions... and stumble people... he says i breakdown easily... and the worse is... he sounded so bad that i became the bad guy...
who is without sins? who is without wrongs? who is without emotions? the bible clearly stated that Jesus is the only one who is not blemished... yet people expect me to be perfect? can't i have my own emotions... even on msn...
i am like a rose... my pricks can be seen easily... it hurts... but because of this... i have no pretense... this is me... i cannot speak... my feelings and emotions are extraordinary... but does anyone knows why?
because i am born into this world... with sins... because i am not perfect... because my childhood is different... because i hate people... because i am not myself... because i am humiliated... because i am hurt... because i am hated... because i am big... because i am ugly... because i love myself... because i watched too much tv... because i am lazy... because i am a liar... because i am dull... because i am disgusting... because i am emotional... because i love attention... because i despise attention... because i am an irony... because i am extreme... because i am a clarifier... because i am a dominant... because i am stupid... because i am too good... because i am kind... because i am too humble... because i am intelligent... because i am observant.... because i get angry.... because i cry... because i laugh... because i blog... because i am dark... because i love darkness... because i hate light... because i love my cousins too much... because i rely too much on zhuyang and frankie... because i am a witch... because i am too independant... because i am a freak... because i love photography... because i hate myself... because i love design... because i am a brainchild... or maybe... i am real and true to myself...
and that's why i chose Jesus...
that's why i am so hurt now...
sometimes... i just want to give it all up... but many times... i know i can't... i am facing a major crossroad in my life now... but! i don't know what to do now...
liten shan@
3:50 AM
