Wednesday, November 12, 2003
the rose...
life is but a bed of roses... though till now, i haven't really figure out what does that sentence means... but anyway... a rose is direct and that's why there is pricks... but people never tries to see from that point of view... they see it only as a wretched and unkind person... anyway... who really bothers to think about it... but somehow... when confronted... a rose can easily settle its difference... unlike hypocrites...
sometimes... i wonder... what's my worth and value in this world... Jesus' paid His life for me... but what about my family? my relatives... why am i so wretched? i just don't want to do things the conventional way... so what if i finish my engineering and get a stable job? so what if i become a administrator and earns 3000 buckeroos a month? does it matter? does money matter so much? probably, we need money to buy this and that and also to support thyself... but! does fame and reputation means that much? till now... i really don't understand what my grandma thinks... what she thinks does affect my family... and directly... affects me... no matter how hard i try to avoid... it'll happens ultimately... grandma looks down on me... why? because i quit school... i choose the hard way... but i never said i'll not continue to study... its just that i don't want to be always spoon fed by the government and my family in making decisions and stuffs... life is short... i don't want to lie and breathe my last regretting that my life is just smooth sailing... no hardships... no challenges... no failure at all... and stuffs... everyday is an experience... a scar... something that can etched into my memory... anything... whatever she thinks... its really hurting... a few days ago... or should i say yesterday... nah... this morning... i was thinking... my life in visual stuffs is going to be tough... i remember i took a test before... i am a visual person... its pretty scary thinking about it... the chances to making it big is like 1:100... not easy... so now...
i really don't know what to do... sigh~
liten shan@
3:42 PM
